I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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