Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
