I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
