i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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