did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize