you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
