Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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