Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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