So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He passed out mid-signature
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
