my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
