Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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