Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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