Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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