Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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