Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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