3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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