I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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