You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
