if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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