So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He better not be in your backpack
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
