I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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