i think my mom watched the whole time
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
