ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
