sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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