big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
