just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
