The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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