I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
