she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
