i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
