Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
