Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I currently don't understand fingers.
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