The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
