I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
