I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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