giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
