That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
