May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
