i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
