It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize