Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
