maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize