Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This baby is an asshole
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
