so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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