you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
