He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
