2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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