I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
