That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
