Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
