hotel room ftw
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize