Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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