somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
