I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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