why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize