I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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