there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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