I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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