im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
