Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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