I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
