Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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