OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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