I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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