Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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