I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize