when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
