Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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