if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
