Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
