My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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