I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this beer tastes like vomit already
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
