Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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