I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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