I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
