you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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