i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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