I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize