we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
