I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
