I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
