piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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