We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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