dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
