I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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