Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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