We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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