Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
