i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize