I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
