I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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