I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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