I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
did you just send me my own nude
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
