We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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