I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
