I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
