So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize