i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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